Prayer is a funny thing...

God is a funny guy... just when you think He's ignoring you, He sends a message that leaves you facedown on the floor. Here's my story...

Another month, another no. We've been trying to conceive for over a year now with no luck. About seven months in, I got a little antsy and went to the doctor only to find there was a reason we weren't getting pregnant. That was frustrating, but so good to know! We were on the road to fertility and everything was looking good. Here we are 6 months later with still no child to hold. Just a hope of a dream that one day, God would choose to bless us and trust us with a life to nurture, love, and develop into a God-loving, kingdom-minded, amazing and beautiful individual. I dream of that day, but lately I've done a great job of convincing myself that our dream may only ever be just that... a dream. 

I have been really angry with God. Don't misunderstand - I know God isn't torturing me. I know God can only act in love. I know that he has an amazing plan for my life, our marriage, and the life of our future children. I know his timing is best. I'm just not happy that his plan for my life doesn't look like mine... pretty childish to be upset over that, but it's the truth. I may not be the perfect Christ follower, but I'm an honest one. I have asked God for this good thing, the desire of my heart, this blessing that, as I've been told, He cannot wait to pour out on me, yet he denies me. What's up with that? 

Yesterday I had a one sided conversation with Him. I told him that I trust him, but that I'm angry. I told him I didn't understand why 16 year old babies could have babies of their own, but I wasn't allowed to yet. I told him that I was mad and didn't like his idea of timing, but that I trusted it was much better than my own. I told him that I didn't understand why he wouldn't bless me, but that I would trust his decision anyway (not that he needed my approval or anything). I told him I needed relief from this weight and it didn't feel like He was lifting my burdens like He promised he would. I reminded (as if he need it) him that he allowed Moses to change his mind, and told Him I thought he should consider letting me change his mind too. I also asked him to grow my faith. I just wanted to hear something from him - anything! If my motives were wrong in wanting this baby, just let me know! If there's sin in my life, show me! If there's areas of my heart I have withheld, take them! After my ranting and raving yesterday, I didn't feel much better and I decided to settle with the idea that God may not give me the answer I want. I may not hear him right now. He may choose to be silent today, for whatever reason, and I would have to live with that. 

Today was a much better day that yesterday. For some reason I had a little more peace. I didn't feel any better about getting another "not yet" from him, but I also wasn't a complete disaster today. 

I started to prepare for my girls bible study tonight. I already did the reading, but decided I need to revisit our reading to really get it into my head. Funny enough - for no particular reason at all except that it has 5 chapters - I assigned James as the reading last week. God has a real sense of humor... or maybe just perfect timing and infinite knowledge. 

Over and over again, James says to PERSEVERE through our trials so that our faith may grow to maturity, to HUMBLE ourselves before God, to SUBMIT to him (our sins, our hopes, our dreams, our desires), and to PRAY PRAY PRAY for if I do those things THEN pray, my prayers will be powerful and effective because I will be considered righteous in the eyes of God according to His Word! 

God listened yesterday and then answered me today. He's giving me just what I asked for - a faith that grows. He just asks me to let go of my pride, submit to his will for me, and pray - ask him for my heart's desire. Man, I needed this today. I was on the doorstep of giving up and letting go. I didn't think I could handle one more month of disappointment and I was ready to give up on trying all together when God swooped in and gave me some relief! THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU LORD! YOU ARE GOOD AND YOUR LOVE AND FAITHFULNESS ENDURE FOREVER!

So if you feel like I do, just remember - perseverance produces maturity in our faith, humble yourself before God, submit your life to His ways, and PRAY PRAY PRAY for the prayers of the righteous are POWERFUL AND EFFECTIVE! God is faithful to answer our prayers. He will give us the desires of our heart in accordance to His will and His time. I am not the center of God's universe... Lord, forgive me for thinking that. Give me the discipline to make you the center of my universe. 

Your mercies are new each day - thank you Lord! Make my heart steadfast in chasing hard after you!

-Lyndsay

"If you're going through hell, keep going..." Sir Winston Churchill

This is Fall Retreat 2011...

This past weekend, our team of youth leaders took 14 teenagers on a trip up to Lake Tahoe... I don't think any of us were expecting to make so many memories, have so much fun, or hear God so clearly! There's something about hanging out with teenagers for a weekend that makes you get it... ya know? Get what having a good time is all about, get what letting your cares and worries go is all about, get what excitement for the Lord is all about... I can't understand why more people don't want to work with teenagers!

Our theme this year was "Saturate - what fills your heart will lead your life" and the first night we got up there, everyone was super hyper and was having a hard time settling down. When they finally did, it didn't last too long, but for good reason ;) In our discussion on the things that saturate our lives, I filled up a bunch of glasses of water and labeled them TV, movies, sports, music, friends, relationships, internet, texting, etc. Those are all good things in and of themselves, but add a little bit of dirt to it (profanity, sex outside of marriage, gossip, etc.) and it ruins the whole glass of water - you can't drink it anymore without getting sick. So after adding dirt to my glass - I asked if they were saturating themselves in dirty water - then I threw the mud water on all of the students. It took a second, but they looked at the kid with mud on him, looked at me, and in an instant were climbing over chairs and tables to get as far away from me as possible without leaving the room! IT WAS HILARIOUS! But they loved it and I really think they GOT it! In between the insanity of flying chairs and screams of laughter as muddy water covered the walls, the floors, the chairs, and the students - I saw the light go on, I saw the understanding in their eyes, and I heard the understanding late that night in conversations with students.

The next morning, one of our awesome youth leaders, Heath, led us in a devotional time. He led a discussion that caused ALL of us, not just teens, to look at the things we allow to saturate our daily lives and see what we need to filter out. He talked about things being an asset (drawing us closer to our Creator) or a liability (taking us further away from Him). Then he challenged us to go and make a list of our friends, a list of the things we do for fun, etc. and label each person or activity, ASSET or LIABILITY. It was definitely a moment in my life where God showed up, slapped me around a little bit, and brought me to my knees. I know it was that same type of moment for so many of our teenagers.

Last night - all of the students had been hopped up on sugar, pranks, excitement, and games, then we asked them to settle down for an hour - probably terrible timing, but God worked regardless of our indiscretion. We continued on in our conversation about filtering the things that saturate us with the story of David and Bathsheba. We looked at his life and asked ourselves, "If David had just filtered some of his thoughts, impulses, words and actions - what would his story look like?" So we talked about four simple questions would should ask ourselves in every situation or circumstance that will help us filter out the gunk in our lives.

1) Is this where I should be?

2) What was I thinking?

3) Who am I talking to?

4) Are my actions pleasing to God?

The reason we are supposed to behave in a certain way as followers and lovers of Christ is because of what 2 Corinthians 5:14 says "The love of Christ constrains me..." There are parameters or boundaries in love and if you step outside of those bounds, you cannot say you love anymore. Real depth and intimacy come in a relationship surrounded by parameters. In explaining this, I took out my fish I had with me for the weekend, sort of a mascot ;)... I told the students that after a long discussion with my fish, he wanted freedom outside of his little tiny bowl and the water that "held him back" - so I took him out of the bowl and set him on the table. Our students were obviously upset by this so I asked them, "If I really loved my fish, even though he wanted 'freedom' to get outside of the bowl and live his life, I would keep him in the bowl because the bowl is where the freedom is at." They got it.

The Christian life is not a bunch of dos and don'ts and just a change of behavior - it's a love relationship and IN LOVE we put up parameters so that we can go deeper and have a more intimate relationship with our Lord. You cannot love without having boundaries.

While the parents may initially HEAR all about fake poop on a student's pajamas, frozen boxer shorts, cold showers, and plugged toilets - take heart! You'll eventually SEE the late night discussion about the things of God, the ah-ha moments, the morning devotions, the middle of the night worship hour, the acts of service in love and more that our students experienced this past weekend.

Thank you God for changing my heart this weekend and thank you God for changing the hearts of 14 teenagers and 7 grownups this weekend. Let it stick! Let us follow hard after you and let us stay within the bounds of your love so that we may know you more intimately, we may love you more deeply and we may love others more fully. You are good and your love endures forever!

Health Check

So life has been a little wonky lately. I guess by wonky I just mean "not according to plan", but then it seems I have to keep relearning this lesson that life doesn't work according to MY plan over and over. You'd think I would have learned by now...

I've never been to the hospital in my life other than visiting friends or family... that is, I hadn't been for myself until this past December. I was having some crazy pains so my husband and mother drove me forty-five minutes to the nearest hospital and checked me into the emergency room only to find out two hours later that the doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me. So, there went $1000 we didn't have out the window.

Before the useless hospital trip, I had been struggling with weight gain and some other things, but just assumed I must be eating more food than I realized or I wasn't working out hard enough. It was actually causing me to feel really poorly about myself when I looked in the mirror. Not so much because of the weight I gained alone, but because I was beginning to think, "Man, I must be super lazy! I must eat like a horse and not know it...I can't lose this weight." After a couple years of dealing with constant fatigue, weight gain, and some other un-fun problems, I finally went to the doctor to get some answers.

Now don't think I had just been avoiding it for two years. In a strange way, it kind of snuck up on me. The weight gain wasn't overnight and for quite some time, I had been attributing it all to the way I lived. The pain - well the doctors said everything was fine and the fatigue, I was beginning to think it was all in my head. See, this health problem started small, practically non-existent, and began to slowly grow into a monster I couldn't ignore anymore.

After blood tests that came back clear, lots of tears and prayer, my doctor gave me an answer. I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. Okay so maybe that sounds like nothing to you or maybe it sounds big and scary, but it's a little in-between. Basically, I was told PCOS is a metabolic disorder that can wreak havoc on my body if I don't maintain it and I would continue to gain weight, I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, I could develop diabetes and I could end up with cancer in my uterus or ovaries.

WHOA! That sounded terrifying! Uncontrollable weight causing other health problems, inability to become pregnant, possible diabetes and/or cancer?!?!

So what was the answer? How was I supposed to maintain this sort of health problem?

Two little pills in the morning. Two little pills and I could lose the weight, become a mommy, and I wouldn't be in danger of cancer caused by PCOS. Two little pills is all. Two little pills to bring me freedom.

Well of course I went to get the prescription right away. As soon as I took that first pill, it seemed all the worries in the world melted away and I was filled with so much peace. I have only been on the medication for a little over a week, so it's full effects haven't manifested yet, but knowing that my body is getting back in working order brings so much peace.

I was thinking about this earlier this morning and it occurred to me - my physical health check revealed problems lurking within me that could potentially destroy my body, but once I knew about it, I could choose to take a simple medication that would put me back in order. If I didn't allow my doctors to perform a simple physical health check on me, then I wouldn't be able to be healed. I wouldn't even know something was wrong with me!

Most of us keep up with our physical health for the most part. We make sure we take pretty good care of our body and at the very least, if we notice something wrong, we go to the doctor to get it fixed.

Why, then, are we not as concerned with our SPIRITUAL health? If we don't allow the Word of God to perform a spiritual health check on us, how will we know if there is something lurking deep in our hearts? Sin doesn't just show up on our front doorstep and ring the doorbell. It sneaks through the back door in the middle of the night, unchecked and unnoticed. If we allow it to stay in our hearts and lives, it grows and grows with it's mind set to destroy us.

But a simple visit to the Word of God each day can help keep our hearts, minds, and lives in check with the Lord, kicking out any impurity that will destroy us and keeping us spiritually healthy.

These bodies that we care for are only temporary. They last about 75 years, but the soul within that temporary body lasts for eternity. Shouldn't we be even MORE concerned for our spiritual health?

I'm going to make sure I get a great spiritual check-up today... are you?

Bible College Syndrome

"Unfriendly people care only about themselves; they lash out at common sense." - Proverbs 18:1

So, this verse in and of itself seems like common sense, I think even to unfriendly people, but this week, I've been around a few people who would agree with this verse verbally, but disagree with their lives.

I think Bible College can do funny things to people. I love BC, don't get me wrong. I went to two different BC's because I love them so much! These awesome Christian institutions are great for training up people to be strong in their faith and the scriptures within the workplace, and for training up strong Christian leaders in the Church. BC is an amazing experience and while learning tons on the Bible, you also get the opportunity to learn tons in the area of "Life Experience".

BC can be kind of a "double whammy" if you will. Living on campus, you are given the opportunity to learn how to live in peace and unity with other believers, BUT I think it can also give you this false view of yourself... a "lofty" view sometimes. BC students are most often held to a higher standard.

As a BC student, you probably will have...

1. Curfew that during freshman year seems unbelievably early, but as you mature in age and in faith, 12am seems too late to be out carousing around the town. It is true that "Perception is reality" and as a BC student, you don't want to be perceived as walking the streets or rolling doobies and selling them to the local high school students behind the dumpster at McDonald's.

2. You will be required to attend Chapel every Thursday afternoon in the multipurpose room and ALSO be required to wear a suit and tie or a Sunday dress because God "would be ashamed" to see his precious people in anything less. Oh yeah, you can't wear flip flops.

3. No Rated R movies allowed in the dormitories. "What about 'The Passion of the Christ' though?" Yeah, not even that one. We appreciate Mel Gibson's attempt at showing us what Jesus went through, but really, did their have to be so much blood? I don't think so...

4. Guys and gals have visiting hours and there must be at least 2 members of each sex represented. Visiting hours are from 1pm-1:15pm on Wednesdays... enjoy your time!

Anyhow, these maybe a LITTLE more strict than the BC you attended (actually only 1 is embellished from my experience at BC), but this gives you an idea of how one can start to think that you are the most holy 20 year old on the face of the planet. Add up all the classes you've been taking on God's Word and BAM! You are a super Christian. Anyone who doesn't agree must be sent from the pits of hell with the purpose of discouragement!

Thank God I don't live in dorms anymore! People start to think they know everything they can know about God's Word and how to live a "godly life", but then turn around and pick up other horrible habits like making fun of the "ugly" girls on campus or talking about how horrible the guy is who got caught with porn on his computer and was kicked out of school or how your roommate is so obnoxious and always getting her feelings hurt over nothing. Our "spiritual gift" becomes criticism. We criticize how other people aren't being good enough christians or the way people look or whatever. We find a way to talk crap about other people on campus to help feed this lie that we have it all together. And we become unfriendly people who only care about ourselves and our little clan of followers who all believe the same things... they are Super Christians and everyone else sucks at being a Jesus Follower.

I say, lets stop patting ourselves on the back for knowing all about Ezekiel and start doing what Jesus came here to do... LOVE!

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples if you LOVE one another." John 13:35

Quit gossiping. Quit feeding your ego and start living LOVE on your campus.

Jesus didn't come to show he had the most knowledge of the scriptures (though he did). Jesus didn't come to show he could be the best God Follower there ever was (although he was). Jesus came to BE LOVE to a lost, hurting, dying, needy world. When he said in John 13 that he was leaving and where he was going we couldn't follow, he told us that (his disciples) that for a reason. WE ARE TO BE JESUS TO PEOPLE! WE ARE TO BE LOVE TO PEOPLE! Unconditional love.

And not just love to their face...

Love behind their back.

I was that "Super Christian" BC student until I got out into the real world. Until I was working full-time at a Church interacting with people who don't know Jesus. Who need LOVE, not judgement. Not slanted remarks when they aren't around... they need LOVE.

So grow up now. Decide you are going to let God transform you from the inside out. Quit letting your studies substitute your time with God... start living love.

Live Love to your Creator first. Spend time with him, not because it was an assignment, but out of your heart to know him better.

Live Love to your roommates. Start doing what Jesus told us to do, think of others as better than ourselves! Treat your roommate like you would treat the Son of God! Not with disrespect and hurtful words, but with respect and love and understanding. Be Jesus, not just to those who don't know him yet, but to those who do. They need Jesus too. And they NEED your LOVE.

Awesome Roadkill

As the SMTL (Student Ministry Team Leader - for all you folk who are uneducated in church staff abbreviations), when I start hearing talk of moving into a new building and the possibility of the youth getting their own building, I immediately get thinking about themes for our new youth building. I start planning out contests for designs and names submitted by students and think about what ideas of my own I'll throw into the mix...

I would ask for submissions from fellow youth pastors, but I already know the ideas I would be given...

Design Ideas

1. Coffee House Theme

Every kid in high school loves burned, weak coffee and crappy, depressing acoustic tunes right?? We could have booths (torn up and stained from the local coffee shop that just closed down due to rat infestation, but hey! They were free!), round top tables (just don't tell the elders that a local bar donated them or we'd need to pray over them because they must be "covered in sin"), and a small stage for open mic nights and poetry readings. Aren't all the high schoolers beatniks nowadays?

2. Garage Theme

Find an old gas pump, some license plates, and a garage door for the entrance and you've got a unique youth room! Problem is, every youth group in America has had a "Garage Themed" youth room since 1994. Of course, trends haven't changed that much since then, right?

3. Student Inspiration Theme

Let's give the kids 20 gallons of paint in all different colors and let them use their hands to start painting the walls! They can throw paint, finger paint, etc. Let creativity flow and give students the creative reign!

For some reason, tons of youth pastors think that this idea, once its all said and done, will create some sort of awe inspiring room filled with creativity and student ownership! However, it usually just looks like you let a bunch of 13 year olds loose with 20 gallons of paint and the only ownership in the room is the puke on the wall from Johnny after being locked in a paint fume filled room for hours...(but who could tell the difference between paint and the puke, right?)

Anyhow, I think our youth group may try to go for something a little different concerning the decor of the building. Thanks for the input (that you didn't even have to give) anyhow :)

Ideas for a name for the Building and/or Youth Group...

Here's a few...

1. eXtreme Youth

"We're eXtreme for Jesus!" - but we don't have to be xLame for Jesus...

2. Ignight

"We lost the spelling bee!" - I get that you meet in the evenings and you want to be ignited for God, but really, it just looks like your youth pastor's Bible College didn't require an english class in order to graduate.

3. Awesome Roadkill

"Every year the junior high students pick their own name... there you go."

And the "Enthusiastic Youth Pastor of the Year" award goes to... (I would like to point out that the above name and quote is an actual name and description of a junior high ministry!)

Anyhow, you may have encountered a few youth groups that share these names (excepting "Awesome Roadkill" which is actually a pretty awesome name) and may have possibly dubbed your rockin' youth group with one of these exciting names.

However, I think we may consider some other names and design ideas...

The Blink of an Eye

You think you're going to live forever. You think life isn't going to throw you a curveball that's too terrible. You think that life will end when you're ready, when you're old, on your own terms...

It doesn't. You don't live forever. Life changes direction in an instant. One moment forever alters the course your life will take and you can't go back.

INJUSTICE! we cry. UNDESERVED! we scream. They were good! They loved God! Their time wasn't up! This has to be a mistake... God, what are you doing? Don't you realize what you've allowed to happen here? How can I keep trusting you and believing you if you are going to do something so wrong?!

We've all had a conversation similar to this with God. Maybe not surrounding death, maybe relationships, maybe love, maybe work, maybe friendships, maybe family, maybe depression, maybe disease...

Tonight I heard news that woke me up inside. Someone I know in Florida lost his wife today during childbirth. She was healthy and young. They hadn't even been married 10 years and today, during one of the most joyous moments of their lives, the most terrifying tragedy occurs forever changing the direction of this man's life. Forever altering his future. Shaking him to the core. She died. His beautiful bride of 9 years died giving birth to their fourth child.

Lord, why? Matt and Kylee are missionaries. They help further your kingdom here in the states and in other countries! And they are so young! Their lives have just begun! They were doing you work and you allowed this?

Tomorrow is never guaranteed. God never promised an easy life. He never promised any number of years here on this earth. He never said, "Once you follow me, life will be perfect! All your troubles will subside and if you experience trouble, it will be easy to get through." He never said we'd be with the love of our life until we are old and gray. Yet when a tragedy like this occurs, we sit back and question God's goodness for allowing this to happen to us. As if he's broken some promise he made to us.

However, Jesus did say, "In this world, there will be trouble." (John 16:33) Jesus promised us trouble, not smooth, wide roads. He promised us trouble, BUT he promised us peace. "And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7) Jesus goes on to say in John 16, "But take heart! I have overcome the world," (vs. 33).

The devastating circumstances of the Boden family has reminded me...

1. Life is short. Blink and you'll miss it.

2. Don't take people I love for granted. We are all terminal and we're not promised any warning as to when life ends. Don't leave things unsaid.

3. God is good, regardless of the devastation we find ourselves wrapped up in. God is love, regardless of the hate we feel at times. God is the healer, regardless of the pain we suffer through. God is in control, regardless of the chaos we are lost in. God is God and I am not.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"God is God. I dethrone Him in my heart if I demand that He act in ways that satisfy my idea of justice." - Elisabeth Elliot

You are good and your love endures forever.

Lyndsay

Wedding talk...

So, the wedding is 81 days away! I can hardly believe it! :) I've got my dress, Josh has been fitted for his tux, invitations are almost ready to mail (THIS WEEK!), tables and chairs have been reserved, decorations are being bought... it's exciting :)

There's still a TON to do and I feel so behind. It's been a challenge to not get so caught up in all the stress of planning that I forget to just enjoy it all! I mean... for pete's sake! I get to marry my very best friend and we get to spend the rest of our lives together in just a couple months! What could be more exciting than that? :)

In the midst of the chaos, part of me thinks, "This is so much work...we should have just eloped!" But most of me thinks that it will all be worth it in the end and all of me knows that I want to share the celebration of our union with all the people we love :) No wonder people hire wedding planners! ;)

I'm just ready to have it all planned so Josh and I don't have to stress about caterers or shopping or table decorations or trivial things like that and we can just enjoy the days leading up to it! I'm so ready for May 29th to just get here already and to head to the sunny, carefree beaches of Cabo San Lucas with the love of my life :) Soon...