A week ago I decided to start fasting for some answers. Joshua feels called to stay in Virginia for another year before moving out here and I want him to be here now... this has caused some conflicts to take place and some conversations to be had between the two of us. Seeing eye to eye was difficult. I decided to start fasting about this. I read Acts 13 and in the first paragraph it talks about the prophets and teachers of the church of Antioch praying and fasting... then the Holy Spirit spoke to them. I needed the Spirit of God to speak to me so my fast began.
Yesterday during my quiet time, I felt like God grabbed hold of my shoulders and shook some sense into me. I finally was letting him speak to me and had my fingers out of my ears long enough to hear him. It wasn't the answer I had been hoping for, but it was the answer I needed.
If I'm going to be Joshua's wife someday, I need to let him be the leader of our relationship and our future. God has given him that headship in my life and I need to support him in that and TRUST that he really is listening to the voice of God. I may not always like it, but by trusting Joshua as my future husband, I need to trust him as my leader... and that doesn't just start on our wedding day. God spoke to my heart and showed me that I wasn't letting Joshua lead. I was fighting it, kicking and screaming, crying and yelling the whole way! I wasn't trusting in Joshua... and when I realized that, it broke my heart.
I felt the need to immediately talk to him, but I knew he was at work and wouldn't be able to answer his phone, so I sent him a quick email apologizing for being such a jerk and for being so blind! I told him that I trusted him and even if I didn't like the decision he made, that I know I can trust its the right one and he'll have my support through it! I have his back and my heart is his. I'm with him through this and I won't fight him about it anymore. It was such a relief... and also such a humility check. I'm so used to leading my life, I needed to be reminded that I need a leader still.
So, tonight Joshua (who has been fasting alongside me out of love) and I will be breaking our fast together... in person. We'll be thanking God for speaking to me and for taking care of us while we enjoy the blessing of food once again :)
Please be praying for Joshua's safety as he travels today (8 hours in a plane!) and pray for our month here in Nevada together. Pray that we keep God at the center of our relationship, that we remain pure (as we will both be living in the same house with my family for this month), and that we learn to love, serve, and minister together as a team. Thanks for all of your prayers and support!
All my love,
Lyndsay
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